The shake itself is sweet, but nothing remarkable, and the sludge-y not quite thick not quite watery consistency really doesn’t do it any favors.ġ3. Just what the hell is going on with this whipped cream? This stuff tastes like sugared air.
Aside from not being very thick, the real offensive part of this shake is the whipped cream. Because I doubt anyone is going to Burger King for milkshakes. I’m sure when I ordered the shake it created a panic in the BK kitchen, like when someone orders the lobster from a diner menu. You won’t find BK’s shakes on that menu, and it looks like the King knows that no one could stomach a whole shake from them, which is why they’re only sold in mini-sizes. They have a section dedicated to “best sellers” on their online menu as if to convince all of us that they actually sell food that people like. I don’t think there is a single fast-food restaurant that has more noticeable self-loathing in its own menu than Burger King. Oh Burger King, back at the bottom it seems. Burger King - Chocolate Mini Shake Burger King In fact, you could make a case that if you want a milkshake, regional fast food is a better option than national chains.ġ4.
**Honorable mention to Burgerville and so many other regional spots. In a few weeks, I won’t have any more excuses and promise that they’ll both start showing up in these reviews! *Apologies once again to Whataburger and Culver’s. And since I’ll only be ranking one milkshake from each fast food establishment, I’m going to take things even further by shouting out a second-choice pick (generally reserved for seasonal shakes). I also gave each shake a rating out of five for thickness (insert obligatory THICC joke here). Luckily, you don’t have to try every fast food milkshake.* I did it for you! Over the past few weeks, I re-tested the best flavor from each fast food outlet** and ranked them. (Sorry… not the best visual to lead into a food article with.) Eventually, the body lets it be known that you’re consuming way too many milkshakes at way too fast a rate. I’m not lactose intolerant, but I am human. Turns out that you actually can have way too many milkshakes. So drinking a double-digit number of them in an absurdly compact window of time could never be a bad thing right? Comedy Central “you just reviewed fast-food double cheeseburgers - what more do you want?” Plant-based burgers, blind taste testing ketchup, knocking back shots of olive oil… there comes a time when a food writer must ask his editor: “Do I ever get to eat anything fun?”
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